Lately, there have been two books about dating that have gotten my attention. They are both very popular books but one preaches a more common message while the other is spreading a message that some are seeing as slightly controversial.
The first, If I'm So Fabulous, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever. Written by relationship guru and the founder of the first university-based human sexuality program Susan Page, this book delivers ten dating strategies that are meant to help women identify their dating problems and fix them. I've only read a few pages of it, but seeing as how it's published in 18 languages and read in 25 countries this book must be saying something that women are identifying with.
The next book, Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough. This book is basically telling women that if they truly want to get married than they need to stop searching for Mr. Right and settle for Mr. Good Enough. In this excerpt, author Lori Gottlieb tells women this:
Whether you acknowledge it or not, there’s good reason to worry. By the time 35th-birthday-brunch celebrations roll around for still-single women, serious, irreversible life issues masquerading as “jokes” creep into public conversation: Well, I don’t feel old, but my eggs sure do! or Maybe this year I’ll marry Todd. I’m not getting any younger! The birthday girl smiles a bit too widely as she delivers these lines, and everyone laughs a little too hard for a little too long, not because we find these sentiments funny, but because we’re awkwardly acknowledging how unfunny they are. At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle?
My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)
Hmmm, Gottlieb has definitely raised more than a few eyebrows with her call to settle.
These are two books with two pretty different dating messages. But whatever your dating philosophy, one of these books will be sure to appeal to you.
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